CHAPTER 4

y heart beats fast enough to keep time with a hummingbird’s wings as
we walk across the courtyard toward the dais, Xaden two steps ahead
of the rest of us. He moves without fear, his shoulders straight and head
high, anger manifesting in every purposeful stride, every tight line of his
body. I lift my chin and focus on the platform ahead as gravel crunches
beneath my boots, the sound muffling more than one gasp from the cadets
on my left. I might not have Xaden’s confidence, but I can fake it. Captain Fitzgibbons, the scribe assigned to the Road to Nowhere, stares
with wide eyes beneath his silver brows, his weathered face turning the same pale cream as he fumbles
with the death roll, dropping it. “Apparently not,” Xaden replies. It’s almost comical how Commandant Panchek’s mouth hangs open as
he turns toward us from his seat on the dais, and within seconds, my mother
and Colonel Aetos stand, blocking his view. Jesinia steps forward, her brown eyes wide under her cream hood as she
fetches the death roll for Captain Fitzgibbons. “I’m happy you’re alive,” she
signs quickly before grabbing the roll. “Me, too,” I sign back, a sick feeling taking hold. Does she know what
her quadrant is really teaching her? Neither of us had a clue during the
months and years we studied together. Colonel Aetos’s cheeks grow increasingly red with every step we take,
his gaze skimming our party of eight, no doubt taking note of who’s here
and who isn’t. My mother locks eyes with me for one heartbeat, a side of her mouth
tilting upward in an expression I’m almost scared to call…pride, before she
quickly masks it, resuming the professional distance she’s maintained
impeccably for the last year. One heartbeat. That’s all it takes for me to
know that I’m right. There’s no anger in her eyes—no fear or shock, either.
Just relief. … continues as before...