Chapter Forty-One
BRIGHT SUNLIGHT STREAMED DOWN through a light dusting of wispy clouds over Acheron. The mirrored high-rises sparkled. The golden light brought out the vibrant greens in the parks and made the river look as if it had been sprinkled with sapphires, emeralds, and diamonds. Outside Saint Francis’s College, it appeared as if the world had been washed clean, and in essence, it had.
Sebastian watched Candra exit the huge wooden doors from where he stood, leaning against a lamppost across the street, as he had done on so many other occasions. They had traveled full circle, and he was back to where they started. She couldn’t see him; she no longer knew he existed. She didn’t know his devastation over the loss of her gentle touch or his desperate longing to fill the void inside his chest. Time moved on for her; only her memories of the past were different to account for the loved ones slipped back into her life and those now missing. Candra, Payne, Brie, Draven, and the others…they all got their second chance in return for their part in restoring heaven.
Brie jostled around Candra, fixing her violet cap and gown with one hand. In the other, she held a camera that caught the sun reflecting a rainbow of light from its shiny surface. Gabe stood close by in a classic dark suit, perfectly tailored to his lean, muscled body. Still, he looked awkward and repeatedly stepped out of the way of the other people flowing out the doors. Sebastian knew he would want to move but stayed to keep Brie happy until she captured the family photograph she seemed to want so much.
Brie caught Gabe’s eye and smiled. Sebastian’s heart constricted painfully at the love he saw there, knowing that Candra had once looked at him that way but never would again.
“This is what you wanted,” he scolded himself under his breath, clenching his jaw enough to make his teeth ache. “This is what you asked for.”
It was strange to see Gabe looking older, although it wasn’t much. His features had always been ageless—yet somehow, now…Sebastian could hardly remember him any other way but human.
Candra turned, as if caught by a sound too smothered by the crowd for Sebastian to hear. She ran back up the steps to embrace an elegant blond woman exiting with the crowd. They had the same eyes, the same smile. He had never noticed in the pictures he’d seen of Candra’s mother. He had only ever paid attention to the angel in her that reminded him of Payne. Now, part of a single soul resided in both mother and child, unique in the whole of the universe—true soul mates.
Then, just when he thought about Payne, he was there—alive and older, just like Brie and Gabe. Brie shuffled them all into line by the door, leaving others to squeeze past. Candra rolled her eyes dramatically and pulled the cap from her head, shaking out her freshly smoothed hair with her fingers. Payne smiled and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. He kissed the top of her head before taking the cap from her hand and setting it back on.
Before Brie could take a picture, Candra beamed a smile and tugged the cap off again. Much to Brie’s obvious annoyance, Candra broke from the small group and trotted down the steps to embrace Ivy. Payne laughed so loudly, the booming sound rose above the other voices around them. Sebastian knew he should leave. He was torturing himself needlessly by standing there watching, but he couldn’t make himself move.
“Hey, you. Whatcha looking at?” Lofi appeared out of nowhere beside him. Her pink summer dress and pumps matched the tone of the tinge of color through her hair, and her tawny wings settled closely along her back.
Warmth rose up his neck and over his cheeks. He felt foolish, like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar. It was his choice to remain an angel in the hope that he could one day atone for all the wrongs he’d done. He had no one else to blame for being on the sidelines now. Maybe the Arch had forgiven him, but he hadn’t forgiven himself. The last thing he wanted was to seem ungrateful that Lofi had chosen to stay with him.
“I know it’s ridiculous, but I promised I would see her graduate. I wanted to keep my promise.”
“Why ridiculous?” Lofi asked, her delicate features creasing into a frown.
“Because I still want to be a part of their lives, even though they don’t know I’m here.”
“Again, why is that ridiculous?”
Sebastian shrugged a little. “I know what you’ve walked away from. I don’t want you to think that I don’t know…or think that I’m not grateful.”
“I don’t,” she said simply. Her wings vibrated, and a golden mist rolled down her back before they disappeared to nothing. Her laughter tinkled in the warm air. “You are always so hard on yourself, Sebastian. Don’t you think I wanted to be here too?”
Candra and Ivy mingled with the other students while Brie skirted them, taking candid photos.
“She looks happy,” he remarked offhandedly. That was good. He wanted her to be happy. The cost was inconsequential to Sebastian, even if it was him who’d had to pay it.
With Ananchel locked in an angelic prison, Lilith in her cage, and many of the others restored to their place in heaven, he knew she was safe now. His penance was to keep it that way.
“She does look happy. They all do.” Lofi paused and pursed her lips, seeming to consider the scene before her. She glanced at him briefly, but long enough for Sebastian to see how she measured him. “What happens when she remembers?”
Sebastian’s body stiffened and scratched the paintwork of the lamppost, leaving gritty flakes lodged under his nails. He refused to think about the future yet. He would deal with that after she’d lived a long life. It was simply a case of mind over matter for him.
Lofi snorted a quiet laugh. “You are still hiding, Sebastian. It’s you that’s always been afraid, and right now, it’s only yourself you are protecting. One day, when all this is over—” she waved her hand around “—she will remember, and she will ask you why.”
“By then, she will have a lifetime of memories, a family, the career she wanted…”
“And what will you have?”
“I’ll have you.” Sebastian grinned, and his hand twitched by his side. It felt forced; his lips pulled tightly over his teeth, and he knew the smile wouldn’t reach his eyes. They betrayed him every time.
Lofi reached up and flattened her palm to his cheek. Her lovely brown eyes caught the light and reflected gold. Sebastian saw her pity there and closed his own eyes against it. He didn’t want or need anyone’s pity.
“I love you, Sebastian, but I won’t be your crutch this time.”
Sebastian flashed his eyes open to see that she had turned away from him and back to the scene across the street.
Both Candra’s and Ivy’s families were gathering for more photographs. Ivy laughed brightly at something Candra said, and Ivy’s mother touched Brie’s arm. They exchanged a few words before Ivy’s mother took the camera from Brie. Gabe wrapped his arm around Brie’s shoulder and leaned down to kiss her lips gently. Even Ivy’s dad joined in vigorously shaking hands with Payne, both proud fathers glancing down at their daughters.
Sebastian watched them glowing with happiness and turning wide cheesy smiles to the camera. He had never felt so empty or so much longing. None of them missed him. No one sensed his absence, not even Candra, he realized with a groan. Yet, for him, it was as if a steel chain had been tied around his waist, tethering him to her…to all of them. No matter what he did, he couldn’t break the connection. He wanted to be with them, and he craved Candra’s presence. Knowing that was how it was meant to be, that their connection was made that way for her protection, didn’t make it less real. There was more to it than his desire to protect her. It was a hunger he couldn’t satisfy, churning in the pit of his stomach, something that only her touch eased. As much as Sebastian wanted to pledge himself to Candra forever, he had already pledged himself to the Arch long ago.
“You know, there is something to be said for Divine Intervention,” Lofi observed. “I have a message for you.”
“Huh?” he asked, dragging his attention back to the angel by his side. “A message?”
“The Arch is angry with you.”
That got his full attention. He had thought that with Draven back by the Arch’s side, he wouldn’t be missed. It was what Draven wanted, after all. Sebastian straightened, taking his weight off the pole. “What? Why? I’ve been doing exactly what I was made to do—watching. I haven’t approached them. I’ve kept myself concealed. I’ve been ripping myself to pieces to keep my promise to heaven.” He sighed deeply, his shoulders drooping. “It doesn’t matter what I do. I will always disappoint.”
Lofi huffed. “Only because you continue to punish yourself.”
Sebastian frowned and opened his mouth to argue but snapped his lips shut when no argument came to him. There was none. Lofi was right. Her smug pout told Sebastian she knew it.
“What’s the message?” he asked, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.
Lofi’s eyes darted across the street and reached up again, this time placing her hand lightly on his shoulder. Sebastian couldn’t move, finding himself utterly transfixed by her serene expression. Peace washed through him from where her fingers touched his skin and spread everywhere, the way water expands to fill every available crevice. His muscles relaxed, as if an immeasurable weight had been pressing down on him and now suddenly lifted. When the sensation reached his head, Sebastian had to use all his concentration just to stay focused on Lofi’s mouth and the words spilling from her lips like beautiful music.
“The Arch said, ‘Enough.’”
Across the street, Candra’s head whipped in his direction, as if he’d called her name. Sebastian was certain he hadn’t. Candra beamed a smile and said something Sebastian couldn’t hear to Ivy. She broke away from the rest of the group, ignoring Brie calling after her.
Sebastian made to take a step back, but his limbs didn’t appear to want to cooperate. In fact, his legs felt jellified, and he wasn’t entirely sure they could hold his weight. He grabbed onto the lamppost beside him, noticing his scruffy nails.
“What is she doing?” he asked himself as she turned her head up and down the street, waiting for a break in the traffic. She took the first opportunity and darted toward him.
“Hey.” Candra stood on her toes and kissed Sebastian’s cheek. She chuckled when her cap got in the way and pulled it off, raking her fingers across her scalp. “Where did you get to?”
Sebastian opened his mouth to answer, but couldn’t remember why he was there. His body was stronger and steadier than a moment ago, although he had no answer. He recalled leaving the graduation ceremony ahead of the crowd to get some air and talking to someone. When he tried to picture the person he had been talking to, he drew a complete blank.
Candra pressed her hand to his chest, and her smile faded to worry. She peered up to his face, narrowed her eyes, and hummed, scrutinizing him thoroughly. The hairs on the back of his neck prickled. He hated being made to feel like an insect under a microscope, and Candra always saw deeper than anyone else. But that was one of the things he loved most about her, too.
“Your heart is going a mile a minute. Are you sure you’re okay?”
He wrapped his fingers around hers, feeling the vibration of his heart against his hand. It thundered, just like she said.
“I guess that’s the effect you have on me,” Sebastian told her. His lips twitched at one side. It wasn’t exactly a smile.
Candra smirked and kissed the corner of his mouth. Sebastian’s hand slipped around her back, urging her closer. As soon as his lips touched hers, everything was right in the world. He instinctively knew he was in the right time at the right place for the second time ever.
Sebastian kissed her like a drowning man finding air. This girl made his soul sing, and he’d known right from the start that there would never be anyone else for him. Eighteen months with her had passed in the blink of an eye since the first time he’d laid eyes on her after he’d returned from traveling in Europe.
It had been a small coffee house, somewhere he’d stopped while getting re-acquainted with the city. There had been a young boy screaming at the top of his lungs, and Sebastian had been diligently ignoring the child, keeping his nose stuck in his book and his own business. He’d chanced a momentary look only when the boy had calmed, and Sebastian heard his squeals replaced by giggles. That was the moment his life changed forever.
He’d sat there mesmerized by the beautiful girl pulling faces to amuse the child. He’d barely noticed the child’s mother and her obvious relief and gratitude. The girl had waved her off with a dismissive smile and pointed to her untouched coffee, indicating the woman should take the opportunity to get back to her refreshment.
Sebastian’s chest had tightened, and the ambient noise of the coffee house had faded to nothing, replaced by the violent thumping of his heart. His vision had blurred around the edges and darkened, seeping inward until all he could see was her. It had been as if the girl had been a candle glowing in the darkness. His entire world had only consisted of her. Sebastian had never believed in angels, but later, when he spoke about those moments to Candra, he’d told her it had been like Cupid’s arrow striking him square in the chest. Ignoring everything else—the crowded shop, the child and his mother, the other woman sitting at the table with the object of his desire—Sebastian had walked right up to her and introduced himself.
“Do you remember the day we met?” he asked, back in the present.
Candra pressed her lips together curiously, and two fine lines appeared between her eyebrows. She puffed her cheeks and blew out a quiet breath.
“Of course. It’s not every day a guy sweeps me off my feet.”
“I love you,” Sebastian swore with a reverence that caused his chest to swell with the truth of his words. No doubt existed in his mind or heart. It was a visceral sensation of absolute belonging that flowed through him. It was freedom…yes, that was the exact word. Loving Candra felt like freedom. Maybe heaven isn’t back there. Maybe my heaven is right here, with her.
“I love you too.” Her gentle fingers slid over his shoulders and into his hair, distracting him from the curious thought. She blinked and tilted her head a little.
Sebastian guessed something in his expression worried her and made an effort to relax his features. Candra embraced him warmly, gripping his hair in her hands. He stroked her hair and kissed her head, attempting to make sense of the feelings inside him.
“Oof.” Candra laughed and wriggled out of his grip. “What’s gotten into you?”
He laughed too. “Do you know what? I have no idea.”
She burrowed her arms under his and leaned her head on his chest. “Well, while you’re working that out, photo opportunities await.”
He sighed happily and waved when he spotted his sister, Lofi, coming around the corner to join the crowds of well-wishers outside the main entrance to Saint Francis College.
“Your parents are still meeting us at the restaurant, right?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s weird, you know,” Candra remarked wistfully as they waited for another break in the busy city traffic. “I thought I would be glad to leave this place and move on. I complained enough about my parents talking me into staying in the city another year. I think I might actually miss the place. It almost feels like something is ending.”
“Candra, there is a big world out there just waiting for us, and we have our entire lives ahead of us. This isn’t an ending. We’re just getting going here.”
Candra smiled and held her hand out. Sebastian took it gratefully with a light squeeze.
“Ready?” he asked.
“Ready.”
